Spice up your relationship

You might not believe it, but some marriages are wonderfully happy. Hot in fact. When was the last time you described yours like that? So what do you have to do to have such an intense relationship?

It helps if you didn’t start too early! Because people who first learn to be intimate in their 20s generally develop better relationship skills than those who first learn intimacy as teenagers. But all that’s probably behind you! What can you do to improve matters now?
First start working on yourself. Take more exercise, and eat and dress well, because the more you like the way you look, the sexier you’ll feel. Keep studying, to keep your brain active.

Stay close to old friends, and become part of something bigger than yourself – like doing some voluntary work. Set yourself some serious goals in life and become more resilient – learning from your mistakes rather than regretting them. Focus on what’s good in your life rather than what’s not. And be comfortable with who you are, rather than who you wish you were.

Next, think about re-arranging your schedule. Because hot marriages need at least one meaningful conversation a week, sex at least twice as often, cuddles, kisses and romantic words every single day, loads of sexy emails and texts and plenty of romantic gestures like making each other cups of tea.

You also need time away from the kids, family and work to relax and reconnect. So arrange a babysitter and organise dinner together just as carefully as you would for a client. Several times a month...

Now think about how you hug. How long does it last? A few seconds? Next time, hold on a lot longer. Hugging for at least 20 seconds increases your oxytocin levels and makes you a much closer couple.

And clear out your bedroom. Pictures of your children or mother-in-law could be subconsciously lowering the temperature. Consider confining the TV and laptops to the living room. You’ll be far cosier without them. Leave arguments out there too. If you and your partner have a spat, make up before you go to bed.

Hot couples never leave disputes festering and are good at resolving issues. So practice your argument skills! Learn when to say sorry, allow each other some privacy, and be comfortable with each other’s faults.

And don’t complain that your spouse disappoints you in the bedroom if you’ve never actually said what you want! So be open with each other about what you like and what you don’t. Be adventurous, and try anything... at least once.

Because novelty really matters. Long-term relationships need dependability and predictability, but that’s not so good in the bedroom. So be imaginative.

Get the candles, music, bath oils and so on prepared – and add a little mystery by letting on that there’s going to be a “surprise” after the kids are asleep. The anticipation will do wonders for both of you!

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