In Summary
  • Three days into conversations online and I had a shopping list of sorts of things she wanted before I could meet her.
  • It was her rate card. Her hourly rates were printed boldly. That's when it hit me. It was nothing to do with my suaveness.

I can't speak much about the era of fax machines and bell-bottoms, but dating in Nairobi in the 21st century is not for the faint-hearted.

It's why many of us are single. Well, maybe because we are also too busy finding fire memes, but mostly it's because it's a minefield.

Everyone is moving around trying to avoid getting scammed or hurt.

I've been single for a while now and out of boredom, a bit of curiosity and the need to get back in the game, I decided to try Tinder; and boy hasn't it been a ride!

No one prepares you for the mixed bag that you get when you download the app.

I had always thought that dating apps were for losers. Well, here I was downloading the app and hoping that I didn't end up as a WhatsApp forward by my Kikuyu aunties on the dangers of online dating!

Overall, I had a lot of great experiences and I ended up lucky with scrunched up sheets and make love beats. Err, and some friends.

Let's talk about the other end of Tinder dates; the ones which make you question humanity and make you think that celibacy isn't such a bad thing.

The entrepreneur

If you think there's a limit to places people will be money-hunting, you're wrong. This lass and I start talking after a matchup.

She tells me that she finds me cute, and I knew I was on the way to the finals. I asked her when we should meet up because I was ready to speed things up.

She told me that we could meet the very next day! I was in! Oh well, I thought I was until she sent me an image I thought was a meme until I realised what the numbers meant.

It was her rate card. Her hourly rates were printed boldly. That's when it hit me. It was nothing to do with my suaveness.

She was there for business. I also got a babe selling charcoal and another one trying to sell me multilevel marketing.

Another one was job hunting! I'm not one to knock on anyone's hustle though. Props to anyone making money by any means in this economy. But perhaps let's do it off Tinder?

One word answers

One of the hardest parts about Tinder is starting conversations. You mull over it and most women's profiles are blank and so you have to get creative and hope to get an answer.

"Hi" doesn't cut it. I thought I was cursed by my ancestors because I didn't like njahi (black beans), as I kept on getting one-word answer reply matches.

How do you respond with one word at a time? What do you do with all the time you saved? Plant njahi and hope it doesn't taste like the devil's armpits anymore?

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