In Summary
  • No matter how many times I apologised, not a word was said back. She only kept saying “I’m fine”, even with her eyes swollen and voice hoarse from crying.
  • That felt awful. I hated that I caused that, but I also wished she would understand my position.

I couldn’t get my wife anything special for Valentine’s Day in 2017.

“It’s okay,” she said when I told her so. I knew it was not okay.

 As she walked away, I wondered what could have been going through her head. Clearly, her heart was troubled. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she felt a little upset. This was our first Valentine’s as a married couple. It had to mean something, at least to her.

NOT THE ROMANTIC TYPE

She had always known I’m not the overly romantic type. She understood that, and her expectations of me had never once felt overwhelming. She appreciated the little efforts I made. She never once compared me to other men, or envied her lady friends for their husbands’ or boyfriends’ heroics.

I guess she saw other great qualities in me and deliberately celebrated those. Even so, this was still was our first Valentine’s Day as a married couple. Few words were said in the hours that followed.

Her disappointment became too apparent to hide. She didn’t even change her outfit to something homely like she routinely would. Maybe it would help busying herself in the kitchen. I found myself something to distract me also, but occasionally would be interrupted by cries coming from her direction.

No matter how many times I apologised, not a word was said back. She only kept saying “I’m fine”, even with her eyes swollen and voice hoarse from crying. That felt awful. I hated that I caused that, but I also wished she would understand my position. We had barely a thousand shillings to meet our every need with no certainty over when next our account would catch even a whiff of money.

Scarcely three months into marriage and with more needs than we had the resources to meet, were we yet to find our financial footing.

PARTICULARLY BAD

February 2017 was particularly bad also because a number of partners who generously give to keep my family and ministry thriving had delayed to send their support. That naturally set me up for a losing battle with the most dreaded date on any man’s calendar.

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