Women are not their own worst enemies

There are a lot more women at the top helping other women than we’d like to admit. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • This belief that women don’t help each other is working against us. It is hindering our progress.
  • If you go through life believing that women do not help other women, you will always have a chip on your shoulder and you might miss out on great career or mentorship opportunities just because you are apprehensive about having a female boss.

You must have heard of the queen bee. You know, that woman who has worked hard and gotten to the top. That powerful woman who will not lift a finger to help other women up and who sometimes does everything in her power to mark her territory at the top and keep other women out. This is a common stereotype. It is the reason women dread having female bosses. It is the reason women are reluctant to put other women in power. However, this stereotype of the cold-hearted powerful woman is untrue. The truth is that women do help each other.

 However, almost always, when a woman criticises a fellow woman, disapproves her behaviour or supports a man in an argument against another woman, she will get the “women are their own worst enemies” phrase thrown at her. No one pays attention to the issues or ideas at hand. All they see is a woman not supporting another woman, never mind that the said woman didn’t deserve the blind support. Should we always stand by women even when it is clear that they should be called out for their behaviour or arguments in the name of not wanting to be labelled as our own worst enemies?

What about the times we help and support each other, which is more often than the times we don’t? How come nobody notices that? Nothing is said about the tens of women’s networks that we have in Nairobi alone where female professionals and women in business meet to trade tips on how to smash glass ceilings and to nurture their businesses.

Just like men, women may not always support each other or treat each other civilly but there are many of them actively supporting each other. The queen bee is the minority, not the norm. A 2015 study by Columbia Business School in New York proves it. Findings of this study trashed the queen bee syndrome. It found that the absence of women at the top has nothing to do with women not supporting each other, and a lot to do with companies seeking to maintain a small number of women in top management.

True, the powerful woman may be brash and more aggressive than the average woman, but this is only because there is such a small turf available to begin with. These women will tell you that it is lonely at the top. They want company, they want other women up there. They are working against a system that is hell bent on keeping only a few women at the top. Many of those already up there go out of their way to foster the careers of other women. It just isn’t as readily broadcasted as instances when women aren’t supportive of other women.

This belief that women don’t help each other is working against us. It is hindering our progress. If you go through life believing that women do not help other women, you will always have a chip on your shoulder and you might miss out on great career or mentorship opportunities just because you are apprehensive about having a female boss.

It is a jungle out there so you will need to compete even against women. While at it, learn to celebrate other women’s achievements be they personal or professional. I believe that there is enough success out there to go around. It might also help to work on your stress and anger management skills so that you will not be taking it all out on the next woman you meet.