In Summary
  • You must bite the bullet and ask him why he insists on having sex after you wed.
  • In some quarters, his school of thought would be called romantic but I suspect a sexual problem which explains why you have gone for a full year without him initiating sex, which for men is extremely rare.

I have dated my boyfriend for a year and we have decided that we will get married before the end of 2017. I love him very much and I’m looking forward to being his wife and the mother of his children, but my problem is that we have never made love. We make out, but we never go all the way because he refuses to have sex with me and says that we should wait until after marriage to have sex for the first time. I believe in doing test runs before sealing the deal, so that I can know what I am getting into, so his refusal to make love has me worried that maybe there is something wrong with him sexually, and I don’t want to find out after I have made a commitment to be his wife. What can I do to get him into bed right now? I really don’t want to wait for our honeymoon and probably discover that he is not good in bed.



Your man is okay. Not every man wants to jump into bed. I know men who are like him, but be sure that he really wants to marry you, because he might have someone else in mind. I also hope that you are not trying to trap him with a pregnancy, because if he senses that is what you are trying to do, it could be his reason for insisting on abstinence. Give him time and see if he will come around. Duncan Royal Class


Discuss this with your boyfriend in depth until he reveals why he doesn’t want to make love. His reasons could be genuine – maybe he wants to abstain for religious or cultural reasons – but he has to lay them on the table for discussion. This issue has to be dealt with before you tie the knot. Juma Felix


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