I don’t know how to converse with my man!

Q: Maurice I have a problem when it comes to conversing with my boyfriend. Like when he tells me ‘I love your photos’, I don’t know what to say. I am always hanging when talking. I don’t know how to keep the conversation going. I really don’t know what the problem is. Please help.

READERS' REPLY

You seem to suffer from low self-esteem. This is demonstrated in your lack of self-confidence. People with low self-esteem mostly fall short of words, hence your inability to sustain a conversation. You can improve your self-confidence by speaking positive things about yourself. By changing the way you speak about yourself, you are not only altering how others see you, but you are separating yourself from any negativity and boosting your self-confidence. Best of luck. John Wambugu, via email.

Do you love your boyfriend? If you did the conversation would be smooth. Try to tell him sweet answers after his compliments, like “Oh thanks baby, I appreciate.” It may make him feel answered. Brian’s Power, via email.

It seems you have a fear of your boyfriend. I believe your response to his comments should be automatic. Just do away with that fear and all will be okay. Andrew Kiriago, via email.

It seems like you are in deep awe of your boyfriend. This is because you have placed him on a pedestal. You may also not be very confident in yourself or your contribution to the relationship. You are not able to vocalise your opinions and you feel that your response is inadequate. I suggest you loosen up. You can also practice in front of a mirror to gain confidence. Also, affirm yourself. Becky Karanja, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

I do not know for how long you have been together but based on what you have said, I would say that you are either not that into him or he intimidates you to some extent. I am speculating but I feel that you lack compatibility. Perhaps you are not of the same background so you find it difficult to relate. If you really want to be with him why don’t you tell him that at times you don’t know how to respond to him so that in can be in the picture? It will be a great avenue for you to try and create a mutual way of relating. The more comfortable you get, the more confident you will be to respond without over thinking.

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

My boyfriend of seven months left me alone on Valentine’s Day. He said he was off to watch a football game with his boys – apparently it was a really big day for football – and that he has been romantic all through our seven months and he doesn’t understand why I should make a big deal of him missing this night when I know how important his team is to him. It’s true, he does all those rare things – he buys me flowers for no reason, takes me out to nice dinners, and takes time to be considerate. I appreciate all those things but this was our first Valentine’s and I really wanted to enjoy it with him. It’s a big, big day for me and I can’t help but be hurt and upset. Am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Should I tell him how hurt I am that he ignored me on that day? Oh, he had flowers delivered to my office but in truth, I just really wanted to spend time with him. Please help.