JUST BRENDA: I’m disgusted by my wife’s sleepwear

Hi Brenda,

Thanks for the great work you do there. I have a problem to share. I have been married for five years now. My problem is my wife. I’m 33 and she is 29.

She sometimes goes to bed in those unsightly headgears, 'seng'enge ni ngombe' t-shirts, or some heavy pullovers and skirts, which kill the game.

This is in spite of me buying her some good (or so I believe) night gowns.

She has never believed in brushing her teeth before bed. How do I bring her around to my standards in such a way that she doesn't feel offended? I have tried before but she doesn't seem to care. Anon.

Hi,

Thanks for reading!

Lol. I love your problem. It's a refreshing one. Listen, if you've been married for five years, you're in it to win it.

When you get past the two-year honeymoon section, you're gearing up towards the seven-year itch.

In the larger scheme of things, what your lovely wife wears to bed when she is completely comfortable with you – an excellent sign - is not that big a deal.

Thank God she isn't wearing that lingerie you so desire for anyone else. If she won't change her ways – which you ought to accept, because you can't go into relationships trying to change people – the only person you can change is yourself. So. One, switch off the lights so you don't have to see the clothing. Two, as soon as you smell the breath, just turn away and three, switch on the heater at night so that clothes will hopefully be shed.

And to hell with being offended – you have plenty of years of rubbing each other the wrong way to get over. Just tell her how you feel – tactfully - and see if she cares enough to do something outside her comfort zone for it.

Then hopefully you can start rubbing each other the right way. Yes? If she doesn't, love her anyway.

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