JUST BRENDA: My girlfriend says I'm just a sperm donor

Hello Brenda,

I have a girlfriend and we recently had a baby. Some months before she delivered we had a little misunderstanding and we could not talk for long before she gets mad at me. Last month when she delivered I saw a text on her phone from her ex saying: "I hope this time you won't leave me." And she replied: "I promise." When I asked her about it she told me the guy supported her and she was confused about who to love. She even went ahead and gave our baby names without my contribution. She takes care of the baby on her own. I'm jobless and just graduated last year, while she has a job. She rarely calls or texts me even when I tell her I love her. I also overheard her tell her friend that I'm just a sperm donor. I love her so much but I am frustrated. What can I do?

Hi,

I'm so sorry about your predicament but I am also sorry to be the one to have to tell you that you are not in a relationship. You're actually ‘thirdwheeling’ in someone else's relationship – nay, family. This girl has a baby with you, and that's about the summation of it. You didn't pick the name, you don't support the baby, she's talking to another man while simultaneously getting more and more irritated by you...she's not confused about who to love, she's confused about how she can cut you off. Sure, it isn't as if you haven't been trying, but she clearly does not care for your efforts. So you need to do two things: a) Cut it off seeing as you're already a vestigial appendage in her life at this point, and b) Figure out how you want your relationship with your child to go now that the one with the mother is over. That's what you have control over – decide and dictate your terms before she pulls a fast one on you. Also, find a lawyer.

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