JUST BRENDA: I fear my family could reject my girlfriend

Hello Brenda,

I have been a keen follower and I find your articles refreshing, educative and informative. I need your advice. I am in a long distance relationship with a woman that I love and care for. She is humble, funny and reserved. I met her sometime in 2018. She is a single mother and I stepped in and made her comfortable by assisting her and caring for the child as my own. The baby is turning two in March. We have had a good relationship.

But I have noticed that my girlfriend has challenges with both oral and written communication, makes basic spelling mistakes, and she is fascinated by smartphone games (spends a lot of time playing on her phone). I also realised that she has issues with being aware of her environment and cleanliness, and she sometimes smells.

With my consistent probing, I found out she did not have a proper education. When I inquired about her education background, she was angry and did not talk to me for a while. I found out that she didn't perform well in her exams. I had good intentions as my probing is to find out if she can upgrade her education even to my level, as I have successfully graduated with a Masters degree. She says she is willing to go back to school. But I am aware that her grades are low.

I had started planning my future with this woman and want to introduce her to my family, and she has also asked me to visit her parents but with her academic background, I doubt if my family will accept her as my wife.

Another thing is that, whenever I ask her for some suggestions she remains quiet and blank, waiting for me to decide instead of chipping in and challenging me with alternatives.

What should I do?

Hi,

Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing your problem. In terms of academics, you were already into your girlfriend before you had considered her spelling or her smell. The great thing is, all of the things that bother you about this union can be changed.

You are already clearly willing to throw your lot in with her, seeing as you have integrated her into your life and are already thinking of doing the traditional right thing i.e. making an honest woman out of her. If the things that bother you about the union are fixable, then fix them. Some things cannot be taught, like kindness and consideration.

And while we are on the topic of consideration, take who she is in context of who she is to you now. Sure, life, the economy and a government that leaves everyone behind may not have been kind to her, but the fact that she is even willing to try is a big step, okay?

Think of the bigger picture, and when introducing her to your family, stand by her side – as you have done before. If you accept her, they will too.

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