WIFESPEAK: Lessons from my peace-loving husband

Hubby remembered our wedding anniversary.  I overheard him tell his daughter about the day he married her mother.

“You had a wedding!?” she asked, starry-eyed. She is that age where princess gowns and crowns are a big deal.

“Yep, we did.”

He turned to me;

“It looks exactly like it did that day. Started very cold with a slight drizzle then the sun came out…”

“You remember such details?” I asked him.

“Of course I do. Don’t you?”

TYPICAL

We celebrated the first two years in a typical romantic way. Flowers from him, a cute card from me and dinner at a quiet place. On our third anniversary, we had a fight and I had stormed off to a staff party, from which I had earlier excused myself. I was heavily pregnant, so maybe ‘stormed off’ is an exaggeration. The fourth anniversary found me breastfeeding, two dress sizes bigger and jobless. He was overwhelmed with bills and we made lousy company. We wondered what these anniversary celebrations were all about. By the time the fifth one rolled around the corner, we had a light bulb moment. We would each come with two items to discuss; a check list of what’s working and what’s not working.

QUITE HELPFUL

This proved quite helpful if our relationship was to stay deep and interesting enough to continue building. Hearing good things about yourself from your spouse, and knowing that they took time to think through them, makes you soften towards them. By the time they list the bad habits about you that get under their skin, you are not as defensive, since you are still thawing after they said that you are still the one they fancy doing another year with.

During a couple’s retreat, a newly wedded husband asked what the secret to a happy, Godly marriage was.

“Keep dating your wife,” said one husband.

“Invest in your marriage, protect it,” said another.

“Put God first. Let Him be your go to authority’” hubby said. I smiled, but ten minutes later he turned to his colleague and said:

“One of the reasons ours has lasted is that I cannot imagine starting this journey with someone else, getting to know them afresh, through the drama and dealing the same fights…I will do whatever I have to do for the sake of peace with this one.”

‘WE NEED TO TALK’

It did not sound even remotely loving but come to think of it, I would consider it fake if he had stated otherwise.

He is petrified of fights with me and will apologise the minute I say the dreaded line of ‘we need to talk.’ I replaced it with;

“Let’s take a walk.”

I seem to be the one that picks all the fights while he does not think that any long-winded fight is worth it. I want to turn every issue inside out and upside down until the nooks and corners are straightened.

He remembered this anniversary so that I will not beef about me being the one that always puts more effort during our anniversaries.

Peace, at whatever cost, even if he has to say sorry about everything and avoid an argument, for the sake of peace.

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