- I have these moments when I’m sitting alone, feeling depressed.
- Those are often my moments of weakness when something stirs the ghosts of my mom and for some reason, everything I care about loses meaning. In those moments, I can’t function at all.
- There are times those moments catch me right when I’m trying to beat the deadline and I just stop punching the keyboard and sit there thinking of her.
- Mum always said that people don’t die. They simply live their physical bodies to be closer to our souls.
I never wanted to write about grief. At least, not here. Not when the world was celebrating Mother’s Day. But ever since I earned the title writer, many believe that I can write about anything under the sun. But they do not know just how difficult it is to write about personal grief.
I feel no rhythm in my grief from the death of my mother eight years ago, but I choose to live in a bubble from which I see my altered world, where outside the bubble is a world of noise, inside is silence and muted sounds.
Deborah Davidson, a professor of sociology at York University who specialises in motherhood and bereavement, says grief is often intensified around anniversaries and important dates.
“Mother’s Day especially can elicit strong emotions,” Davidson says. “Grief is not something people generally get over, but learn to live with it in meaningful ways, and learn to incorporate it into their lives.”
NOT MOURNING ON MOTHER’S DAY
That probably explains why on Mother’s Day, I was not mourning. It is not that the tears have stopped flowing. As a matter of fact, when grief hits, the bubble bursts and sadness invades my head. My eyes still well up at memories of losing mum, but I am slowly learning to have the courage to stop them from rolling down my cheeks.
It remains confusing, lonely and downright depressing. All I wanted to do was to bury myself under a rock and pretend that Mother’s Day didn’t exist.
I have these moments when I’m sitting alone, feeling depressed. Those are often my moments of weakness when something stirs the ghosts of my mom and for some reason, everything I care about loses meaning. In those moments, I can’t function at all.