WIFESPEAK: Of complex males who thrive on rejection

This is a guy who often complains that I played too hard to get when he first asked me out.

PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • I remembered my own experience when I was her age those many decades back.
  • I had received a couple of love letters and responded positively to one or two.

Like any other teenager, my 14-year-old daughter feels grown-up and can stand up for herself. The beautiful girl gets moody and infuriating sometimes but can also be sunny and sweet.

I’m used to these mood swings, but my heart almost stopped the other day when, in a conspiratorial whisper, she asked me:

 “Mom, when can I have my first date, alone?”

“With a boy? Alone?” my tone and the look on my face made her give me the eye roll.

“Yeah…of course with a boy.”

“When you are 30.”

I said, putting on a serious matter-of-fact face. She didn’t see any humour in that response.

“You guys treat me like a kid. I’m not a child anymore!”

I remembered my own experience when I was her age those many decades back. I had received a couple of love letters and responded positively to one or two. But I had never met the boys who wrote them, leave alone thought of an alone moment with them.

'EXTRA ATTENTION'

I remember one time mom sitting me down for the talk, after promptly firing a carpenter she had hired to construct her chicken pen, when she noticed him paying me extra attention. He would flatter me and exaggerate his appreciation just for serving him a glass of water. I thought he was cute and strong and she thought he was the devil reincarnate.

“When these men tell you nice things and try to get close to you, you need to tell them off. Insult him, call him a dog because dogs behave that way with every other dog, call him a donkey because donkeys are not to be entertained…call him a snake because…”

I had rolled my eyes.

So when this college guy came to me and directly prepositioned my 14-year old-self, I was prepared. He passed a very long letter through my baby brother to me. The letter was pretty descriptive and direct. He wanted me to sneak out one late afternoon, meet him at their shamba because his mother would be out of town. He reminded me-twice- to carry a leso for what was to take place required a leso for my comfort.

Just like mom had told me, I responded with an even longer letter, with the help of a cousin, we called him the unsavoury names of every wild and domestic animal and described exactly why the name perfectly fit him. We were creative, and savage, even drawing some of the animals.

'TRAUMA'

He is a priest today. We are good friends and once asked him why he considered a life of celibacy.

“Your letter traumatised me,” He said in a teasing tone. When he saw how disturbed I looked, he sought to reassure me. “Oh come on, boys receive worse rejections all the time. We were called worse names by girls. Your letter was one of many, just better written and very descriptive.”

It seems that for boys, pursuing girls and being rejected is part of the game of growing up into men. Hubby advises his daughter not to fall paragasha for anything a boy tells her.

“They just pick nice words from the internet and tell them to you. They don’t even know what half of what they say means.”

He tells his daughter to ignore the boys, focus on her school work and play hard to get. Play hard to get-unbelievable-those were his words to his daughter.

This is a guy who often complains that I played too hard to get when he first asked me out. So apparently, being too eager with a man is a put off, especially when he is interested in you. What complex beings, this male species.

We conceded to a chaperoned movie date, when she turns 16. She is not amused that her old folks will be sipping hot drinking chocolate at the café next door waiting for her movie date to end.

As a girl, you don’t want to play hard to get forever but neither do you want to seem too eager and end up with a joker who breaks your heart.

The world of dating and marriage is like a slow dance. Pushing away and pulling closer and finding the balance to keep the dance moving on.

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Karimi is a wife and mother who believes marriage is worth it. Do you have feedback on this article? Please email: [email protected]