WIFESPEAK: Opposites attract... and fight!

He will tell you too that there are times, in the middle of an argument, I have told him how I would never, ever, not ever, let him even touch me or even get near an inch of me if the clock were to rewind. PHOTO| FILE

What you need to know:

  • I need the man to be a little less reserved, more outgoing, exciting, more like me.
  • He needs me to be a little toned down, not too unpredictable, more reserved more like him.
  • The same things that attracted us to each other are the very same things that we now fight about.
  • Do you have feedback on this story? E-mail: [email protected]

“Would you still choose your spouse today, knowing what you know now?”

This was a question brought our friend Josh during a party hubby and I attended where couples, mostly in their forties, were sharing the peculiar and most times not so funny personality traits of their respective spouses.

In response to the loaded question, I should ideally say, with a dreamy look at my husband: “Yes. Of course, I would still choose him.” And I would expect him to say: “Definitely, me too.”

But there is an uncomfortable silence.

Couples are avoiding each other’s eyes. Or maybe it is in my imagination. The women look at each other. The men get busy on their phones, they stare at a sleek car driving by.  My friend Anna’s eyes meet mine, and as if on cue for the next act in a mini-drama, we burst out laughing.

Haiyayaani, no one would make the same choice of a spouse, even you, Karimi?”

“Wait, why are you mulikaaing me?” I have moments for the limelight and this was not one of them.

“Now Josh, this is turning into that Couples Retreat movie, did you guys watch it?” Kui, Josh’s wife, bless her, knows how to seamlessly change topics.

IN CASE YOU ARE WONDERING

In case you are wondering, I do sometimes tell my hubby I would still choose him if the clock turned back.

There are those moments when the love is bubbling over and my sunny side is switched towards him. The times when the sun, stars, moon and the galaxy are reflected in him. You get the point.

A wise man once told us: “As often as you can, remember those early days.”

And so, there are times I recall the dark, handsome man of few words, whose eyes charmed me more than his lyrics ever did. In moments like these, I smile and congratulate myself for the smart choice of saying yes to him. How attractive I found his reserved nature, a complete opposite to my outgoing one. He hated night-clubbing and was particularly shy of crowds. It's the same even today. I was tired of being asked out in noisy pubs. It was great to meet a man who preferred to meet in quiet places over a nice meal and hot chocolate and indulged my chatty nature for hours.

“He’s calm, stable. He settles me, in a nice way,” I remember announcing this to my girlfriends.

“You excite my otherwise dull life,” he once told me after watching a theatrical production I had invited him to. Probably the reason I upped my game and made endless invites to such productions, and to movies until one evening, in the middle of a movie, I caught him sleeping!

He will tell you too that there are times, in the middle of an argument, I have told him how I would never, ever, not ever, let him even touch me or even get near an inch of me if the clock were to rewind. I get animated and emotional, the way only a woman of sanguine disposition would, and I have told him how he never should have been my choice.

You would think that opposites who excite and settle each other would from now on live happily ever after. No sir, happily ever after is apparently boring.

Couples have talent for creating drama.  I need the man to be a little less reserved, more outgoing, exciting, more like me.

He needs me to be a little toned down, not too unpredictable, more reserved more like him.

The same things that attracted us to each other are the very same things that we now fight about.