JUST BRENDA: My girlfriend's secret chatting bothers me

Hi Brenda,

I came across your comments on how to handle relationships, and I have realised it’s time I just share my issue.

My girlfriend chats privately and thereafter deletes messages and call logs. I asked her about it, but in response she said that I am doubting her and claims she is doing nothing wrong. She said I should stop snooping and just trust her. But I am starting to mistrust her because she deletes all the private chats and call logs. She also said that I should inform her whenever I want to visit her at her house; that I should stop going whenever I want.

She says I should learn to trust her and if I push her she will do the old things she used to do.

At times when I confront her, she cries when she is explaining everything to me. This makes me feel I am on the wrong.

Kindly advise. What should I do?

Hi,

It sounds like your girl is lying to you through her teeth, completely and unabashedly – and then, proceeding to try and make you feel crazy for something she is clearly doing. That's called gaslighting, and it is unhealthy and abusive.

The classic signs of cheating are there – hiding and deleting of call logs and text messages is so 1999 suspect cheating, I can't believe she has the audacity to still be doing it.

Listen to your gut. It isn't far from wrong. Just tell her you're leaving because you don't trust her – whether you have proof or not isn't the point, because already your relationship has deteriorated to the point that you're writing to me to ask me questions about things that are as clear as the sky is blue. In the words of Jordan Peele – get out.

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