No quick fix for bedroom problems

The bug of quick fixes has hit sexology hard. People with sex problems want instant solutions. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  •  “Doctor, can’t I just get a tablet to swallow to get back my erection?” men with erectile dysfunction ask.

  • “He has been away and he comes back this evening but I have no feelings and I fear this will offend him; do you have something I can swallow just for the night?”  I hear from ladies.

The bug of quick fixes has hit sexology hard. People with sex problems want instant solutions.

In fact they keep off if they learn that the treatment protocol may go on for months and run to pharmacies for a quick tablet or to the herbalist or diviner for a quick solution.

This possibly is an expression of what is increasingly becoming our nature. Life is fast-paced and we are increasingly becoming a country of shortcuts. People want quick fixes to everything. For instance, you do not have to go the long haul of assembling maize, vegetables and beans to make githeri, just walk to the supermarket and buy a pre-cooked packet. And now, we all want a button we can just press and fantastic sex happens!

Magic tablet

 “Doctor, can’t I just get a tablet to swallow to get back my erection?” men with erectile dysfunction ask.

“He has been away and he comes back this evening but I have no feelings and I fear this will offend him; do you have something I can swallow just for the night?”  I hear from ladies.

Unfortunately sexology does not work that way. This is because sex problems result from a number of causes which require proper investigations to determine.

The investigations call for interviews, laboratory tests, and sometimes even home assignments for individuals or couples.

A sex problem can arise from biological causes. A good example is lack of desire which can happen in both men and women.

When some of the sex hormones are produced in small quantities or in higher than normal amounts, the first symptom of the problem could be a sexual dysfunction.

But a big chunk of sex problems also result from self-esteem and body image issues. When people have self-pity, do not value their image or appreciate their beauty, the results can be catastrophic. The erosion of self-confidence many times manifests as sexual dysfunction.

Emotions

Sometimes the issue is to do with emotions. When positive emotions are heightened, sex happens easily and perfectly at such times.

But during difficult emotional moments the reverse is true. Unfortunately in today’s fast-paced world couples do not always know what their spouses are going through emotionally and may not understand why they are not performing sexually.

Increasingly, sex problems result from relationship issues. Sex works pretty well when the relationship is functional.

Dysfunctional relationships lead to dysfunctional sex. Unfortunately this can be a vicious cycle.

Additionally, sex has a spiritual dimension. When this spiritual connection is absent, sex becomes mechanical.

Soon people start finding excuses for not engaging in it; we are all too familiar with the headache that only starts at bedtime.

Closely related to the spiritual dimensions of sex is the energy flow between spouses. Maintaining a healthy relationship calls for investment of internal energy in your partner.

This means spending energy thinking about them and directing the energy to activities that make them happy.

It means channeling energy into positive communication with them; it means spending the energy to clear emotional obstacles to your spiritual connection.

In some relationships, however, positive energy is replaced by the negative one.

Supremacy battles

Spouses spend their energy scheming on how to hurt each other. This is common where there are subconscious supremacy battles between spouses.

Each of them spends time and energy to scheme their actions and to show that they are the superior ones in the relationship.

The result many times manifests in bed; people work to disappoint rather than make their spouses happy.

In summary, whenever you are faced with a sex problem, the cause could be anything. It may take repeated interviews with a sexologist for some causes to be identified.

In some cases there are multiple causes to the problem. In fact there may be many problems happening at the same time.

Once the cause to your problem is determined, treatment is directed to the cause rather than the symptom which is many times what a person is bothered about.

A quick-fix tablet, herb or cream can be a temporary measure but definitely fails as fast as it may appear to solve the problem.