BRIDE-TO-BE: What are your non-negotiables?

Recently, a bride-to-be wrote me an email pouring out her frustrations in response to a past article in this series.

She shared how everyone around keeps urging her to have a simple wedding or lower her standards even as the wedding day drew nearer.

Prices have shot up over the past few years, thanks to inflation and there is only so far you can negotiate with service providers and whatnot without exploiting them. Which is why today we will be talking about wedding non-negotiables or in simpler terms, priorities for your big day.

PRIORITIES

These, as told to me by a friend, are the three things you will absolutely not compromise on. For example, you may want a dress from a specific designer. Although it may be a pricey, you could decide to stick to your guns because the dress is important to you.

Food might also be another non-negotiable because people will never forget the hunger pangs or food poisoning they got from your wedding. In that case, you may decide then to spend a huge chunk of your budget on food. I think we are on the same page now.

So, what are my non-negotiables? Interestingly, they are not what I initially had in mind.

For instance, I thought I had to get a dress that would be the talk of town ages after the wedding. The reality on the ground is that I am now on my third dress design and since I paid the deposit already, there is no turning back. I'm happy with the dress and if push came to shove, I would have made it very simple, Meghan Markle style. To me, it is just a dress.

I also thought I would care for the décor or theme. Now, all I care about is for people to get clean seats and tables to eat on. This is not to say that the décor will look like one of those political rallies with a basic tent and people seated on bare plastic seats; but I will not die if something goes off the plan in that department.

MEMORIES

My first non-negotiable is photography. After the day is done, all that remains are the memories held in the photos, said another friend. Most couples don’t watch their videos anyway so pictures are it. I have the poses and the locations in my head. The final edit has to be mind blowing, I am talking magazine material. Kidding, but you get the drift.

Second priority is the honeymoon. After the hustle and bustle of planning for months and a full day of smiling and dancing and posing, we will need to decompress and bond. Some quality time before we start our life together.

Lastly, there us what I call a start-up fund. All the couples around me tell me how they recouped the cash they had exhausted while planning for the big day through gifts; monetary and otherwise. To be solid for at least two months with some of that gift money for provisions is the plan with the beau. My hope is that the registry will be followed and that even things we did not know we needed are gifted as we build our home.

I think this is the first practical lesson on handling finances to see how well the pre-marital counselling resonated with us.

RELAX

To the Bride-to Be readers, I know it is easier said than done to ask you to relax, but I believe in you. Take a deep breath in, close your eyes, and picture your wedding day.

What are the most important things to you? Whatever they are, visualise them, then note them down. Once you know what you want, everything else should revolve around these things.

People will have suggestions for your wedding day, give them an opportunity to follow through with these ideas. For instance, if they want more guests, request them to top up the catering and transport cost.

If they want Chivalri chairs, avail a quotation and tell them when the payment is due. If you have a committee, delegate.

Ask all those people who have not made it on the line up or the committee to take you for a fitting, or go shopping with you, or recommend a service provider.

Get what you want but make people feel involved. At the end of the day, make sure that you have the wedding YOU want and not other people’s dream wedding.

Oh, and congratulations fellow bride to be. This too, shall pass.